Trapped In The Game
by TheBloodEdge
Summary: Screwy Emerald cartridge and a protagonist who hates Gen-3? Utter madness!  Includes swearing. And character derailment. Loads of character derailment.
1. Chapter 1

**Yo! I'm working on this fanfic because well, I'm bored. Anyway, enjoy my boredom! This story is about... Oh forget it. I'm to lazy to summarize a plot before the story. Just note that it will have PWP.**

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><p>It was a stormy night. The scene was in a messy apartment room, cluttered with merchandise of Gen-1 Pokemon you wouldn't be able to buy in this day and age. Around the corner of the room, a 24 year old geek, or an otaku because Pokemon somehow counts as an anime, was typing furiously on his out-of-date computer. He seemed to be typing down a response on an online forum.<p>

"GAYMFREEK ROOINED POKMON 4EVUR!11! HAU M I SEPOSED 2 BEET A POKMON GAYM WIFAUT MAI TEEM OFF 5 DRAGENNITES AND A MOO2! POKMON BLAK AND WHYT IS A DISSASSTER!11!" he posted, under the username, JEN1RULEZ.

"Dude, your spelling sucks. Learn English crappy troll." a user under the username, Grasshole, replied.

"JEN1RULEZ: Besides your awful use of grammar, you could at least appreciate that Gamefreak is trying to keep Pokemon alive with new features and Pokemon. No one wants to play the same thing over and over again." another user under the username, ShoPiFace, replied.

As the otaku read the replies, he immediately replied, "YOO 2 R STOOPID!11 DER IS ONLEE 1 GUD POKMON GAYM AND ITS JEN 1!1 POKMON DAID WITH JEN 2!11 ENJOY UR DIGIMONZ CASHUALZ!1!"

"This guy is obviously a troll. I assume you are 20-ish? What kind of ADULT gets mad at a GAME made for CHILDREN?" a user under the username, wyvernfire, replied.

"Go wyvernfire! Yeah! Get a life JEN1RULEZ!" Grasshole replied.

"OL OFF U MUSS HAF BIN BUTRAEPED MAI OPEENION IS A FAC!11! JEN 1 IS THE BESS OFF OL GAYMS!1! DA DESAINS R THE BESS DA STOREE IS DA GRATEST" the otaku replied.

Congratulations if you managed to understand what the otaku typed.

"Just ignore the troll." a user by the username, MeteorStrike, replied.

And that's a day in the life of an online forum.

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><p>This story revolves around an 18 year old boy named Stephen. Like the otaku, he thinks that the newer games and the newer designs are worse than the original. But of course, he assumes that all this started with the 3rd Generation, the Hoenn region. Thus, this fanfic will revolve around him, trapped in the one game he thinks has ruined his favourite childhood game.<p>

The entire area was dark. As Stephen slowly opened his eyes, he realized that he wasn't sleeping at home. The first thought that came to him was that he was kidnapped. But then, an echoing voice spoke from every direction.

"You are about to experience the one game you've hated for your entire life." the voice said.

"Barbie Horse Race?" Stephen said, raising an eyebrow.

"No, you idiot. Pokemon Ruby and Sapphire. But because I couldn't choose either one, I went with Emerald. The only way out for you is to beat the game. Good luck." The echoing voice said.

Little by little, it got slightly brighter. Stephen turned behind as he noticed a silhouette. A silhouette of Professor Birch.

"Hello! My name is Professor Birch, and I have studied Pokemon for all of my life." he said.

"Great, it's Professor Bitch." Stephen said sarcastically.

"This is a Pokemon." Bitch, er... Birch said, releasing a Lotad from his Pokeball. He continued, "There are many kinds of Pokemon out there. Pokemon are our friends and companions. But some people use Pokemon for battle."

"I know that!" Stephen yelled.

"Now tell me, are you a boy or a girl?" Professor Birch asked, with a picture of Brendan and May flashing in front of him.

"Wow, that girl is hot." Stephen said.

"Are you sure?" Birch asked.

"Yeah." Stephen replied.

"I get it! You're a girl!" Birch shouted, as if he made an amazing discovery.

"WHAT!" Stephen shouted in shock.

"Now, please tell your name."Birch asked.

"Go fuck yourself." Stephen said in response.

"Are you sure?" Birch asked.

"Yes. Now why don't you-" Stephen said.

"I see, your name is GoFuckYourself." Birch interrupted.

"NO! Nonononononononono!" Stephen shouted.

"In this world, you'll encounter all sorts of people. Go! And begin your adventure!" Professor Bitch... Dammit, BIRCH, said enthusiastically.

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><p>Stephen then started shrinking and shrinking until he was completely chibi-fied.<p>

The darkness was imminent. The only thing Stephen noticed other than how dark it is was the rattling. The entire place kept rattling and rattling. Suddenly it stopped. A second after that, Stephen heard a sound coming from his left.

"KACHANK!" was the sound Stephen heard.

A thin light shone onto Stephen's face.

"Hey! I can move!" Stephen said.

He looked around. The one most noticeable thing was the boxes piled on one another.

"Moving Services...?" Stephen read.

He assumed that he was in a moving van. So he walked toward the light, finding no danger in it. His leg got snagged on something and then he tripped a fell into a mud puddle.

"Curses..." Stephen said in a vile tone.

He stood up and looked around. There were about three buildings. It seemed almost as if he was in a small town. But that wasn't what Stephen really noticed. What really caught his attention was

"I HAVE BOOBS!" Stephen shouted in shock looking downwards.

Yes. Apparently, Stephen has taken the appearance of May, the female player character.

"GoFuckYourself! Come in!" a woman said.

"What the hell? Something's pulling me... toward the house." Stephen said, as his own body walked inside the house.

"Look, GoFuckYourself! The movers do all the work for us! Isn't it convenient?" the woman said, as Stephen entered the house.

Vigoroths were completely tearing the house apart.

"Oh, and you got your own room! Why don't you go see it? Oh, and your dad got you a new clock. Set it, okay? " she said.

The same force was pulling Stephen toward the upper floor. There was a carpet, a pink bed, a computer, a TV, a pink clock and an outdated video game console in the room.

"I'm outta here." Stephen said, walking downstairs.

As he went down, the same woman who forced him upstairs stood directly in front of him.

"!" she said, shoving Stephen back upstairs.

"All right. I guess I have no choice but to set the clock." Stephen said.

But before going near the clock, he looked at the blank TV. He saw his own reflection on it.

"I'm a girl...? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Stephen yelled.

"SHUTUPYOUSONOFABITCH!" the woman who keeps shoving Stephen upstairs shouted.

"I'll... Just set that... Pink clock..." Stephen said walking towards the clock.

He put his index finger and his thumb on the gear on the back of the clock and moved them in opposite directions until the smaller arrow on the clock pointed at 4 and the bigger one on 44.

"That's done. Maybe now I can get out of here." Stephen said, walking downstairs.

"GoFuckYourself! Your dad's on TV!" the woman said.

That annoying force then pulled Stephen toward the TV.

"This report was done in front of Petalburg Gym." a reporter on TV said.

"You missed it! Oh, our neighbour, some guy named Bitch, wanted to meet you, GoFuckYourself. Why don't you go there and say hi?" the woman said.

"No thanks. I just wanna-" Stephen said.

"!" the woman said, shoving Stephen out of the house and into a mud puddle.

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><p><strong>Technical gender-bender. Hope you enjoyed it. And if I can improve on anything, just tell me.<strong>

**I used Emerald because I was feeling quite nostalgic. Haha.  
><strong>


	2. Chapter 2

Stephen got up from the mud puddle. His first recurring thought was why that woman kept calling him a son of a bitch. The next thought was to get out of this crazy town. The only route out seemed to be near his house. As he tried to run there, a little girl stopped him.

"STOP!" she shouted.

That annoying force forced Stephen not to move. The little girl then shoved him back.

"There's wild Pokemon there. It's dangerous to go there." she said.

"It's apparently dangerous to walk five steps away... FROM MY HOUSE." Stephen said, sarcastically.

Stephen tried again. And again. And again. The little girl just won't stop stopping him from leaving town. So he gave up. He recalled what the woman in the house said.

"_Go meet Professor Bitch, dear."_ is what Stephen recalled the woman saying.

At a house near his, he saw a signboard that wrote, "Professor Bitch Birch's House"

Without a second thought, he entered the house and was greeted by another woman.

"Oh! You must be GoFuckYourself! Sorry, but my husband's out at the moment. Oh, wait, I have a son about your age. He's upstairs, I think."

Stephen let out a sigh. He climbed up the stairs, but there was no one there. Just a lone Pokeball. He slowly crept over to it when.

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!" some boy with what seems to be white hair on his head yelled.

"Uh... Getting my first Pokemon?" Stephen mumbled.

"MY BALL! MY BALL!" he yelled, punching Stephen, grabbing the Pokeball and running downstairs.

When Stephen stood up, his only thought was of revenge. So, he went to the boy's computer and threw it out the window.

With that done, he went downstairs, and the boy's mom said to him, "I'm sorry, did he punch you? He's like that to everyone. He just loves his balls. He'd destroy anyone who tries to touch his balls."

Disgusted by the double entendres, Stephen inched back and got as far away as possible.

And that led him to the little girl. You know, Miss-It's-Too-Dangerous-To-Take-Five-Steps-Away-From-Your-House. But then he heard a scream.

"!" was what it sounded like.

"Is there an aspiring trainer out there that can stop this madness?" the little girl said.

"No." Stephen responds.

"GoFuckYourself, go there or I kill you." the little girl said, glaring at Stephen.

"Okay. Okay. I'll go." Stephen said, fear in his voice, running towards the scream.

It seems almost as if Professor Bitch was being chased by a Zigzagoon.

"That... Is pathetic..." Stephen mumbled.

"AAAAAAAAGH! Get it off! Get it off!" Bitch screamed.

"I'd rather watch." Stephen said.

"GoFuckYourself! T-there's... Agh! Three Pokemon in my... B-briefcase... Nooooo!" Bitch said.

I'll get banned if I tried to explain what the Zigzagoon did to him.

"I feel bad for him... But meh." Stephen said, shrugging.

As he turned around to leave, that annoying force kept on pulling him. He figured out that he can't go anywhere unless he helped Bitch. He went to Bitch's briefcase and checked for Pokemon. There were three.

"A red chick... A lizard thing and a blue... What the hell is that blue thing!" Stephen mumbled. "I knew Gamefreak lost their creative prowess at Gen 3. I mean, look at that blue thing. What the hell? That monster belongs in Digimon!"

Nevertheless, he grabbed the Pokeball containing the lizard thing and sent it out.

"Oh, it's called Treecko huh?" he said to himself.

He had to attack the Zigzagoon now so he spammed the one offensive attack Treecko has. Guess what it is? POUND.

The next 15 minutes is strictly adult oriented and is not safe for minors. So, fast forward 15 minutes.

"Dear... God. That was... That was just..." Stephen mumbled.

"AMAZING! You're an astounding trainer!" Bitch shouted. "Tell you what, come meet me in my lab, there's something I want to give you!"

"(If I'm a girl, and he wants to 'give' me something in his lab... No. Just no.)" Stephen thought to himself.

Bitch walked out of the area. Stephen looked around and noticed something. An egg.

"Now how did this get here? Oh well, finders keepers." he said.

He walked to the lab and stopped as he was directly in front of it.

"I can't believe I'd do this to myself... But, if it'll get me out... I'll take it like a man." he mumbled.

He opened the door and walked slowly inside. His hands were shaking.

"Ah, there you are! This is what I wanted to give you!" Bitch said.

He shoved a Pokedex at Stephen. Relieved, Stephen breathed out heavily.

"Oh yes, you've met my son Brendan right? Why don't you go meet him again, I think he's out exploring or something." Bitch said. "Whoa, that Treecko seems to like you a lot. Why don't you give him a nickname?"

"No." Stephen said.

But that wasn't an option. The area turned into those keyboard layouts.

"This is retarded." Stephen mumbled.

"Are you sure?" an unknown voice said.

"Yes." Stephen groaned.

The area shifted back to Bitch. He said, "Retarded? What an intrepid name!"

"Wait, what?" Stephen said, surprised.

"Now go and meet my son!" Bitch yelled.

"Never." Stephen pouted.

"GOORI'LLGIVEYOUSOMETHINGELSE!" Bitch shouted.

"I'MGOINGI'MGOINGI'MGOING!" Stephen yelled, with fear and disgust in his tone.

Wait, I've been calling him Bitch! Sorry! It's Birch! Don't get confused!


	3. Chapter 3

**Note to self: Don't try to work on three fanfics at the same time next time around.**

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><p>It was time to go find that Brendan jerk. According to Bitch, he went to Route 102 or 103. I don't know. I forgot what I wrote last chapter. But it's 103 anyway.<p>

Stephen walked slowly to Oldale Town. Why didn't he just run? Because you need frickin' running shoes to run! Where's the logic in THAT?

Anyway, he beat up a bunch of Poochyenas, Zigzagoons and Wurmples. ESPECIALLY WURMPLES. Why I don't write this in detail? Because they're WILD Pokemon. They're anything but plot-relevant unless they're caught.

"Every stupid step I take... A wild Pokemon leaps out! Is that annoying or what?" Stephen mumbled to himself.

After a while, he made it to Oldale Town.

"There are only four buildings. It doesn't count as a 'town'." Stephen mumbled.

He glanced at the Pokemon Center. Logically, after kicking THAT much ass, his Treecko needed a break. Stephen entered the Pokemon Center... And that annoying as hell tune started playing.

Yes, the Pokemon Center theme. What could be more annoying? The bicycle theme of course!

"Welcome. Would you like me to heal your Pokemon?" Nurse Joy asked.

A dialogue box smacked Stephen.

Yes.

No.

"Maybe." Stephen said.

The dialogue box smacked him 5 times, leaving him bruised.

"Yes..." Stephen, trying to stand on his feet said.

After a quick light show, Nurse Joy handed Stephen his Treecko.

"Please come again." She said.

"She means she wants my Pokemon to get hurt?" Stephen mumbled.

The next stop was the Pokemart. He entered the building to buy some Pokeballs. But when he asked, the man said,

"Sorry. All sold out. Some kid with white hair bought all our balls." The salesman said.

"BRENDAAAAAAAAAAAAN!" Stephen shouted.

He ran out of the shop, breaking the games physics. He then rushed to Route 103, skipping the tall grass by jumping over the ledges, again, breaking the game's physics.

He saw Brendan scouting for Pokemon. But what's more noticeable is that huge sack of balls... Uh... A sack filled with Pokeballs... There's no avoiding an innuendo here is there...?

Rushing towards Brendan, Stephen shouted,

"FARCON PAWNCH!"

Brutally punching Brendan and sending him 5 tiles back. Did I say this was breaking the game's physics? Scratch that, Silver kicked you.

"GoFuckYourself! What was that for? You broke the laws of physics!" Brendan, rubbing his cheek.

"You... Give me your... There's no avoiding an innuendo here is there...?" Stephen mumbled.

"Say it." Brendan, smiling like a troll.

"Poke... Balls." Stephen looking away.

"You can have all of these... IF-" Brendan said, but got cut off by Stephen.

"I beat you in a Pokemon battle...?" Stephen mumbled.

"How'd you now?" Brendan asked.

"What else is there to do in this game?" Stephen said.

"Okay. You're new, but I'm not about to go easy on you!" Brendan shouted.

Now, remember how I said I couldn't write about Pokemon battles thanks to Treecko's Pound? Same applies here. Yes, Brendan has a Torchic.

Hey! Don't be disappointed. The battle can pretty much be summed up with this.

Retarded used Pound.

Torchic used Scratch.

Retarded used Pound.

Torchic used Scratch.

Retarded used Pound.

Torchic used Scratch.

Retarded used Pound.

Torchic used Scratch.

Retarded used Pound.

Torchic fainted.

"FUUUUUUUUCK!" Brendan shouted.

"Now gimme your balls!" Stephen shouted boldly.

"I could... BUT!" Brendan said.

In unison with the "BUT!", Brendan tossed the sack into the river.

"What was that for?" Stephen shouted.

"If I can't have them balls, NO ONE CAN!" Brendan shouted.

Brendan immediately ran faster than the speed of light back to Littleroot. Stephen caught on and chased after him.

As Stephen ran through Oldale, the egg he had with him started wobbling. He checked it out only to find out that it was about to hatch.

You have 3 guesses to what the egg is.

...

...

...

Togepi? WRONG. Keep guessing.

...

...

...

Baby Arceus? WRONG! Last guess.

...

...

...

An omelette? I wish.

It was a Zigzagoon.

"I have a guess where this egg came from..." Stephen said. "Oh well, I guess it's MINE now."

He continued chasing after Brendan.

Now, where's the most logical place to hide in a small town with three buildings...? In your dad's laboratory of course! That's the first place Stephen checked.

"GoFuckYourself! How'd you know I was here?" Brendan asked.

If it was a Japanese dub:

"Woman's instinct!" Stephen shouted.

If it was a 4Kids dub:

"IHAVENOIDEAWHATI'MDOING!" Stephen shouted.

"Makes sense." Bitch nodded. "Anyway! Take this Pokedex!"

"But didn't you give me a Pokedex on the last chapter...?' Stephen asked.

"Two is better than one! Now get outta here!" Bitch shouted, kicking Stephen out of the lab.

The most logical thing to do now is to sleep at home. But that wasn't gonna happen. Stephen saw his mom aka Miss GoMeetBitch outside. She ran to him and tossed running shoes at him.

"Dear, if you wanna run, use these. Don't break the laws of physics!" she said.

"No thanks. I wanna go slee-" Stephen, getting cut off

"SHUTTHEFUCKUP! MEETYOURDADINPETALBURG! GOGOGO!" she shouted.

Her expression could scare even Cthulhu. Out of fear, Stephen put on the Running Shoes and dashed off to Petalburg.


End file.
